US Constitution Article I, Part I

Technically the US Constitution is not 250 years old. But it feels fitting for America 250 for me to take some time to celebrate the greatest man-made government document of all time. People had very nice things to say about the Founding Fathers series, and I hope this one is just as fun and educational.

So, history of the Constitution. There was a big fight between the lame-o federalists and the baller anti-federalists in the early years of America. The federalists (mostly) did not see a need for a Bill of Rights and they advocated for the ratification of the Constitution without it. The anti-federalists were the opposite. The Constitution was mostly written by James Madison. It was signed in 1787 and went into effect in 1789. It has seven articles and 27 amendments. Get ready to go through all of them.

I may or may not have much commentary, but I think there’s still just so much good that comes from us READING the Constitution on a regular basis.

I think I will paste the original text, then add commentary, then text/commentary, etc. until the post is done. Article 1 has 10 sections so I have decided to break that into two posts. Ready? OKAY!

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Thanks to Schoolhouse Rock, most of us know/can sing the Preamble. It’s one of the most amazing things ever written. A group of people voluntarily (key word) decided to come together to have fairness, peace, safety, and the BLESSINGS of freedom for themselves and generations to come. The words to come are directions of how these lofty goals can be achieved.

Section 1 – All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives.

Simple enough. America will have a legislative branch made up of two groups of people – a senate and a house of representatives.

Section 2 – The House of Representatives shall be composed of Members chosen every second Year by the People of the several States, and the Electors in each State shall have the Qualifications requisite for Electors of the most numerous Branch of the State Legislature.

The House of Reps will be made up of people elected every two years (like we have today), and they are to be elected by the voters in the state which they would represent a.k.a. their neighbors, friends, etc. The qualifications for voting are based on the voting requirements in each state when voting for their upper chamber (like their state senate or similar)

No Person shall be a Representative who shall not have attained to the Age of twenty five Years, and been seven Years a Citizen of the United States, and who shall not, when elected, be an Inhabitant of that State in which he shall be chosen.

To become a Congressman, you must be 25 and have been a US Citizen for at least 7 years. You also must be a resident of the state you wish to represent in office. Again, pretty simple, although the being a resident part seems to be hard for so many of the elected officials we have today who really just live in DC fulltime.

The framers were very detailed, weren’t they? Love it. Next!

Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons. The actual Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct. The Number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty Thousand, but each State shall have at Least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the State of New Hampshire shall be entitled to chuse three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode-Island and Providence Plantations one, Connecticut five, New-York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia ten, North Carolina five, South Carolina five, and Georgia three.

Representatives and specific federal taxes are to be divided up based on population. Indians do not count towards the population, and slaves count as three-fifths of one person. A census must be conducted within three years after the first Congress convenes, and every 10 years after that (like we have today). The Congress gets to decide how to conduct the census. These rules would later be changed, but we’ll get to that another day.

The ratio of representatives to state residents (based on this aforementioned formula) must not be greater than 1:30,000, but every state must have at least one representative. Until the census is done, New Hampshire gets 3 reps, MA gets 8, Rhode Island and its surrounding area get 1, CT gets 5, New York 6, New Jersey 4, 8 for PA, 1 for Delaware, 6 for Maryland, Virginia gets 10, North Carolina and South Carolina each get 5, and Georgia gets 3.

When vacancies happen in the Representation from any State, the Executive Authority thereof shall issue Writs of Election to fill such Vacancies.

When a seat becomes open before an election, the Governor (or executive from that rep’s state) will schedule an election to fill the seat.

The House of Representatives shall chuse their Speaker and other Officers; and shall have the sole Power of Impeachment.

The reps get to elect their own Speaker of the House and any other officer. The House alone has the power to bring the charges of impeachment (not just of the President, but any public officer, elected or unelected)

Section 3 – The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, chosen by the Legislature thereof, for six Years; and each Senator shall have one Vote.

The Senate will have two senators from each state, regardless of population. They will serve for six years and each senator’s vote carries an equal weight. The senators are chosen by the state legislature in each state. (This has also gone away, more on that later)

Immediately after they shall be assembled in Consequence of the first Election, they shall be divided as equally as may be into three Classes. The Seats of the Senators of the first Class shall be vacated at the Expiration of the second Year, of the second Class at the Expiration of the fourth Year, and of the third Class at the Expiration of the sixth Year, so that one third may be chosen every second Year; and if Vacancies happen by Resignation, or otherwise, during the Recess of the Legislature of any State, the Executive thereof may make temporary Appointments until the next Meeting of the Legislature, which shall then fill such Vacancies.

Once the first Senate convenes, they will be broken into three groups. The first group will serve 2 years before reelection, the next will serve 4, and the final will serve 6. This way, 1/3 of the Senators (instead of all of them) are up for election every two years. I think this part is brilliant with great foresight. Imagine if all the Senators only had to campaign/be accountable once every six years. I don’t know that much would get done in the other five years. This way, Senators are always coming in and out. This brings in new ideas and continuous accountability.

If a vacancy arises while the state legislature is in recess, and cannot therefore appoint someone new, the Governor/state exec appoints someone temporarily until the state legislature reconvenes.

No Person shall be a Senator who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty Years, and been nine Years a Citizen of the United States, and who shall not, when elected, be an Inhabitant of that State for which he shall be chosen.

You can’t be a senator unless you’re 30, must have been a US citizen for at least 9 years, and must live in the state you wish to represent.

The Vice President of the United States shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no Vote, unless they be equally divided.

The Vice President of the United States will preside over the Senate, but will only vote when there is a tie.

The Senate shall chuse their other Officers, and also a President pro tempore, in the Absence of the Vice President, or when he shall exercise the Office of President of the United States.

The Senators will choose their own officers and a President pro tem, or someone to preside over the Senate when the VP isn’t there.

The Senate shall have the sole Power to try all Impeachments. When sitting for that Purpose, they shall be on Oath or Affirmation. When the President of the United States is tried, the Chief Justice shall preside: And no Person shall be convicted without the Concurrence of two thirds of the Members present.

The Senate holds any impeachment trial (after the House brings the charges). To sit for an impeachment trial, the Senators take a different oath than their regular oath of office. If the President is on trial, the Chief Justice will preside over the trial. For someone to be impeached, 2/3 of the senators must vote to impeach.

Judgment in Cases of Impeachment shall not extend further than to removal from Office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any Office of honor, Trust or Profit under the United States: but the Party convicted shall nevertheless be liable and subject to Indictment, Trial, Judgment and Punishment, according to Law.

Impeachment cannot go any further than removing the person from office and restricting them from holding elected office again. They don’t have to restrict them from holding office, but they can. This was why there was a rush to impeach Trump in 2021 – if the Senate would’ve convicted, they could’ve (could, not would) kept him out of office forever. Instead, they failed to convict, and he ran in 2024. The impeached person may still be tried in court; an impeachment is not a criminal judgement.

Section 4 – The Times, Places and Manner of holding Elections for Senators and Representatives, shall be prescribed in each State by the Legislature thereof; but the Congress may at any time by Law make or alter such Regulations, except as to the Places of chusing Senators.

The state legislatures get to determine when/where/how elections are held. Congress can change this, but they cannot choose where state legislatures hold their votes for Senators which was usually in the state capitol.

The Congress shall assemble at least once in every Year, and such Meeting shall be on the first Monday in December, unless they shall by Law appoint a different Day.

Congress must convene a new session each year on the first Monday in December unless they pass a law to pick a different day. (Date was later changed) The number of days they must meet is not determined in the Constitution. It’s kind of a slippery concept to me because I feel like they take too much time off now, but when they are in session, it’s almost always bad. Government has gotten so unbelievably humongous to where it’s just a huge mess for them to meet or not meet. Wild times we’re living in.

Section 5 – Each House shall be the Judge of the Elections, Returns and Qualifications of its own Members, and a Majority of each shall constitute a Quorum to do Business; but a smaller Number may adjourn from day to day, and may be authorized to compel the Attendance of absent Members, in such Manner, and under such Penalties as each House may provide.

Each House (Senate and Representative) is responsible for judging the results of the elections of its own members including residency, age, and validity of the election results. To conduct business, each chamber must have a simple majority (a quorum) present. You can take role at various times (like different days) to establish a quorum (or not). Members may choose to be absent, and each chamber may compel members to return through any means they deem appropriate including enacting penalties.

Each House may determine the Rules of its Proceedings, punish its Members for disorderly Behaviour, and, with the Concurrence of two thirds, expel a Member.

Each chamber can determine their own rules and punishments. If they have a 2/3 vote, they can remove a member from their ranks.

Each House shall keep a Journal of its Proceedings, and from time to time publish the same, excepting such Parts as may in their Judgment require Secrecy; and the Yeas and Nays of the Members of either House on any question shall, at the Desire of one fifth of those Present, be entered on the Journal.

Each chamber will keep a record (the Journal) of the regular proceedings, and it must be published. The only thing that should be omitted are matters of secrecy as determined by its members. The yes and no votes must be recorded in the journal if just 1/5 (20%) of the elected officials request that.

Neither House, during the Session of Congress, shall, without the Consent of the other, adjourn for more than three days, nor to any other Place than that in which the two Houses shall be sitting.

While Congress is in session, neither chamber can adjourn for more than three days without the permission of the other chamber. They also cannot adjourn to any place that is not the place where both chambers are meeting without the permission of the other chamber. This is an interesting one. Now they take month-long recesses and weeks off at a time. They can do this because the other chamber gives them permission, and vice versa. I scratch your back, you scratch mine, etc. But they can also get around this with “pro forma” sessions where they “meet” every three days, but they don’t actually meet. It’s semantics. They have a pro forma session, and maybe one rep shows up. Nothing gets done, and they do it again three days later. It’s one annoying way to keep things off the books – an election opponent can’t say “My opponent voted to let Congress take month long breaks every month” because the vote doesn’t exist in a pro-forma session. The legislature is not “adjourned,” but they ain’t working. Make sense? Make you angry? Yea, same.

Well, there you have it. The first set of rules for the way our government works. More to come soon!

Most Epic Characters

What I have for you today is totally different. I think I’m done with my sports series for now, and I’m going to start a series about the Constitution next so this is just kind of a go between.

I want to rank the most epic characters of the screen of all time.

And I’ve narrowed it down to three worlds – Lord of the Rings, House of the Dragon/Game of Thrones/A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, and The Walking Dead. And listen, this is going out on a limb because I know for a fact that exactly ONE of my loyal readers have watched all of those. Some have watched two, but just one has watched all of it.

I don’t care, this list is for me more than anything else. See, I’ve been in a bit of an epic mood lately. Long story short, I came off anxiety medicine (after a long taper off) earlier this year. I’ll write a series one day about it all, but these pills numb you. Completely. Ever since I fully came off, I’ve felt this very deep desire to FEEL. Feel everything. I’ve cried more than this year than many years combined. I’ve laughed harder than I’ve laughed in years. I’ve thought deeper than I’ve maybe thought in my life. I’ve felt. And I’m so unbelievably grateful. If you’ve never been in this position before, it’s hard to explain. I promise I will one day.

One of the things that makes me feel is epic stuff. When A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms finished, I rewatched House of the Dragon (just in time for the new season), and now I’m rewatching Game of Thrones. And when I think “epic,” I think Lord of the Rings. I mean, come on. These might be the three greatest movies made of all time, and that’s not dramatic of me. Combined, they are 10 hours of epicness. And so, since my brain operates in lists, I began to think who is most epic between the warriors of LOTR and HOTD/GOT. And then a few other guys came to mind, characters from The Walking Dead.

So let’s establish the ground rules. Once I started down this track, I kept thinking of epic characters. I decided that in order to make the list, you must not be have super powers or come from a superhero universe. This eliminated Tobey MaGuire’s Spider-Man, Chris Hemsworth’s Thor, Robert Downey Jr’s Iron Man, and Christian Bale’s Dark Knight. Side note – did you know Kenneth Branagh directed Thor? If we made a list of epic careers, that guy is at the top of the list.

Their primary weapon cannot be magic eliminating characters like Kingsley Shacklebolt, Albus Dumbledore, and Eleven. They must kill people/human-like things, themselves, often. This eliminated Logan Roy, Walter White, Tony Soprano, Rhaenerya Targaryen, Daenerys Targaryen, Tyrion/Tywin Lannister, and Mike Ehrmantraut. Actually, it eliminated everyone from Breaking Bad.

Their primary weapon cannot be “modern day” a.k.a. guns. This eliminated James Bond, the cast of Stranger Things, and John Wick, who is my all-time favorite action character in movie or show. They cannot use unreal weapons like a lightsaber meaning no Darth Maul or Darth Vader in Rogue One. They must be human or human-like a.k.a. an elf or dwarf. This eliminated Vhagar, Caraxes, the White Walkers, and Sauron. They can be good or bad guys, and as you’ll see, plenty of them are this weird blend of hero and anti-hero. They also have to have some kind of redeeming quality, even if you only see it for a second or two.

I thought about adding things like “must have epic music,” but honestly, I just can’t not have guys from TWD on my list. TWD is a very special series to me. I can’t explain it, but it is. I actually hated the last two seasons, but it still ranks highly for me on best things I’ve ever seen.

So, are we clear on the rules? Cool.

I think I’ll have plenty of honorable mentions, and there’s definitely some epic moments from characters not on the list, so let’s get to it.

Honorable Mentions in no particular order: Gimli, Lord of the Rings. Carol, The Walking Dead. Maggie, The Walking Dead. Arya Stark, Game of Thrones. Criston Cole, House of the Dragon. Gandalf, Lord of the Rings. Dunc, A Night of the Seven Kingdoms. The Mountain, Game of Thrones. Corlys, House of the Dragon. Jon Snow, Game of Thrones. Brienne of Tarth, Game of Thrones. Robb Stark, Game of Thrones. Boromir, Lord of the Rings.

Game of Thrones is EPIC, can you tell? (A LOTTTT of naked people though. You’ve been warned.)

10. Michonne, The Walking Dead – Our first person on the list is also our only woman. Michonne enters our world wearing a hood, silent, with two walkers, and a shining sword. She kills more people and walkers (zombies) than you can count. She’s also an amazing mother and friend, her endearing redeeming quality. She kills walkers with her car, doesn’t slow down when she’s pregnant, uses creativity, and is one of the earliest characters to not be dependent on a gun which gave her a whole different mystique in TWD. Michonne was not my favorite character, but she was a total girl boss (in the most epic of ways).

9. The Hound, Game of Thrones – Isn’t that one of the most epic nicknames you’ve ever heard? The Hound is huge with a face burned by fire from his childhood yet has a few moments of softness. His fights, especially with his brother The Mountain (maybe the best nickname ever), are things of legend. He stands up to the king, fights with literal fire and a huge sword, and has maybe the most epic fight in an epic showdown with fights Brienne of Tarth. He never smiles, is grizzly, dark, and grimey, yet you somehow know you must have him on your side.

8. Rick Grimes, The Walking Dead – Rick Grimes is only this low on the list because The Walking Dead decided to leave him off a bunch of seasons in hopes that I’d watch a spinoff about him. I did, and it was freaking unbelievable. One of the episodes is one of the most epic things I have ever seen in my life and everyone in the entire world should watch it. This is not hyperbole. In TWD, he bites out the throat of a walker, establishes the Ricktatorship when he says “this isn’t a democracy” to his followers in the midst of the apocalypse, blows up a bridge expecting to kill himself but save his friends, and all of his epic fights with Negan. Rick is an unbelievable leader. He wasn’t supposed to be so prominent in the show except the wonderful actor (reminder: from Love Actually lol) killed it so they literally changed the show. Rick was the leader the world needed in the midst of the attack of the undead. And I’ll love him forever.

7. Aemond Targaryen, House of the Dragon – Aemond One-Eye. Another great nickname. After losing his eye to his cousin as a kid, Aemond grows up mean. He grows up hard. And he grows up knowing he would be a better king than his horrible brother Aegon. He rides the largest and oldest dragon in the world (like 20x bigger than most of the other ones). He kills his enemies with his dragon and his sword. He uses his wit to make fun of his enemies (calling out his cousins for having a father who isn’t their mom’s husband) and never cracks a smile. He isn’t intimidated by anyone. I guess his one semi-redeeming quality is his deep desire to be loved, especially by his mother. I’m waiting on some more epic fights for Aemond who might make it up the list before this series is all said and done.

6. Jamie Lannister, Game of Thrones – The things we do for love. Jamie is the best knight in the seven kingdoms, and everything he does is based on his love for his SISTER and protecting her (and their kids). Honestly, it’s gross, but GOT/HOTD has a lot of that stuff so we’re just gonna move past it. Jamie has this epic arc from ultimate villain to hero to fallen man. It’s an unbelievable thing to watch honestly. It’s so freaking epic. He fights with one hand after the other is cut off. He fights as a lone soldier against armies. All for love. He is EPIC.

5. Legolas, Lord of the Rings (NOT The Hobbit) (side not, did you know Hobbit is now a word recognized by spell-check? I misspelled it and Duck Duck Go knew what I meant. Epic.) – Listen, Legolas in the Hobbit was when everyone was trying to be too edgy with CGI and stuff. Legolas in Lord of the Rings is peak Legolas. Homie has too many iconic moments to count: surfing down the stairs on a shield while he kills orcs, swinging on to the horse when it approaches him with his back to it, killing that giant elephant thing, killing a troll with an arrow to the head. Legolas’ most redeeming quality is that he’s a good guy, and he knows he’s not the main character of the story. But he’s a darn good supporting one. He probably kills more orcs than anyone in the entire series. Legolas is one of those characters where you know he’s fake, but he’s still so awesome that you wish he was real.

4. Darryl Dixon, The Walking Dead – Come on now, who doesn’t love Darryl Dixon? This grimey southern boy turns into the most baller of TWD cast. With his signature crossbow, he kills plenty of walkers, but he’s also not bad with his fists, a pipe, or anything else he needs to use to protect his friends. His best friend is a 10-year old girl and he’s secretly the biggest softie on the whole show. He blows up a tank, lights a lake on fire, and still has time to give a rose to Carol who is like a sister to him. He has so much character development for the better, and he’d be higher on the list if it weren’t for my three favorite non-comedic characters of all time.

3. Negan, The Walking Dead – My BOY. Negan is an interesting one because of the unbelievable character development. He makes you think about who is really good or bad in the world post-apocalypse. Entering the series in one of the most epic ways of all time (eenie, meenie, minie, moe *murder*). He uses a barb-wired wrapped bat named Lucille as his choice weapon. He kills a character named Alpha, which honestly, if that doesn’t make you an alpha, nothing does. He’s menacing, wild, and straight up bad. His redeeming quality is his kindness, especially towards kids. His backstory is awesome (watch the show to find out). He was another character cast better than written in the comic books. Negan was my favorite, even when you were supposed to hate him.

2. Daemon Targaryen, House of the Dragon – So this is a close one. Daemon is epic, he really is. He’s a character that could have only been created by a brilliant mind in a book. Real ones know what I mean. Daemon rides a beautiful and huge dragon, and carries a sword called “Dark Sister.” Epic. He lands on the beaches ALONE to kill hundreds of men with the crab feeder. When a man questions the legitimacy of the children of his wife, he cuts off the man’s head in court. He rids the City Watch of traitors and losers, killing dozens of men and leaving their bodies hanging for all to see. His most redeeming quality is him learning his place. He loves his brother and his own wife and learns he’s not meant to be king. He’s not afraid to kill, plot wars, or fight. Daemon is only second on this list because numero uno is a better person than he is. Daemon is such a baller.

1. Aragorn, Lord of the Rings – The true king. Aragorn is a leader who never sought glory. He said things like “A day may come when the courage of men fails… but it is not this day” and “My friends, you bow to no one” and “For Frodo.” He falls off a freaking cliff tied to a wolf hyena dog thing and (spoiler) survives. He even returns to the castle and pushes open the heavy doors in a way that’s epic. (checkout LOTR 2 if you don’t know what I mean). His most redeeming quality is his goodness. He kills thousands (probably) of orcs, and yet he is gentle. He is kind. He doesn’t want power, yet it’s obvious he should have it. He sings a weird song (my dad does a GREAT impression of it). He kills the leader orc who puts three arrows in his friend. He leads an army at Helm’s Deep and JUMPS into a crowd of orcs. Aragorn is the kind of epic hero that men want to be, and women want to be with. Think I might go rewatch all these movies…

Now I feel like I want to write about epic moments like Daemon helping Viserys to the Iron Throne, Rhaenerya standing on a cliff with her new dragons flying behind her, Theoden saying “And so it begins” as a bazillion orcs attack, Gandalf arriving at dawn on the fifth day.

Man, I love epic stuff. Don’t you?

Best College Football Rivalries

Aren’t rivalries the best? Rivalry week is the best week of the year, but with all this random conference realignment, we sometimes get rivalry games week 2 or 3. I’ll say it, that sucks. But the vibe is different in a rivalry game. Even if you’re not a fan of either team, you can feel it. And when you are a fan, you wake up excited and nervous, sometimes all week. Rivalries are at their best when both teams are consistently good, when the outcome impacts the conference champion, and the fanbases hate each other. I think there are three clear “best” rivalries, so it was fun thinking about what the other ones on the list could be. Enjoy:

5. Army vs Navy – This is the last regular season game played every year, and now with all the realignment, I think Trump signed an executive order to keep it that way. As I’ve said in other posts, it’s a great game. The pregame is especially awesome as they spend 2-3 hours carrying out old traditions and playing awesome America montages on TV. The game is very much old school football. Neither team is known for having a flashy offense, or really any offense that’s been updated much in the last 50 years, but it’s still fun. Tough. Physical. God bless America and football.

4. The Holy War – BYU vs Utah – This is so high on the list simply because of the name. I freaking love it. And this game is crazy. Super underrated because neither school are traditional power houses, but have both been good for the last several years which has made it more fun. These schools are less than 50 miles from each other which means they compete for players and everyone works with someone from the other team. Rivalries are better when the fans know plenty of fans of the other team, it adds the passion that makes college sports great. This game used to determine who would win the Mountain West, and now they’re both very competitive in the Big 12 (had to double check that’s where they both landed #RealignmentSucks)

3. Iron Bowl – Auburn vs Alabama – I would probably put this higher on the list if Auburn wasn’t so inconsistent these days. Bama leads the series 52-37-1 and has won 12 of the last 15 games. This rivalry is probably extra heated because there is nothing else in Alabama. It’s a nice place, but no NFL team or any other professional team means that the college season means everything. These fanbases hate each other, the teams hate each other, and it often seems like the coaches hate each other, too. There are countless iconic moments from the Iron Bowl, but my favorite is the kick-6. In 2013, with Bama coming in as back to back national champs and ranked #1 and Auburn ranked #4, Bama decided to kick a field goal to try and win the game as time expired. Bama had missed THREE field goals already. Oh, and they shouldn’t have even lined up for this long 57-yarder, but Nick Saban challenged the call before and got :01 back on the clock. Okay, so they bring in a brand new freshman kicker (again, a 57 yarder!!) and Auburn puts their speedy punt returner under the uprights to return the kick in case it’s short. And it was. And he ran it all the way back (109+ yards) to give Auburn the win. I still remember where I was when that happened. Unbelievable. In case you want to watch it again like I did, here it is.

2. Red River Rivalry (don’t call it Shootout) – Texas vs OU – I’m not sure when this happened, but it’s not allowed to call this the Red River Shootout anymore. I looked this up and the official reasoning is to “not endorse gun violence.” Didn’t realize anyone was doing that… This is the rare rivalry game never played the last week of the season. And always played at a neutral site. This fabulous game is always played during the Texas State Fair at the Cotton Bowl (which doesn’t host the Cotton Bowl anymore). The Cotton Bowl is almost exactly equidistant from each school (just a few miles difference) and the stadium is divided down the 50-yard line. ESPN always has a reporter visit that section where it can certainly get rowdy. Both schools have big in-state rivals, but this game is better. Both teams are almost always in the national conversation, they’ve played 11 times with both teams ranked in the top 5. It’s also a very even series with Texas winning 65 of 121 games. This is always a great game to watch every single year.

1. The Game – Michigan vs Ohio State – When a rivalry game is just called “The Game,” well, I think we have a winner. And I’m not even biased. This is widely believed to be the best rivalry in AMERICA, not just college football. These two schools have more wins than any other program in the country, Michigan is #1, Ohio State is of course #2. They’ve won 21 combined national championships and 84 Big Ten titles. Michigan leads all-time 62-52-1. Both teams are almost always competing for the Big 10 and usually the National Championship raising the stakes even more. It used to determine who would go to the Rose Bowl, but that’s not a thing anymore (#RealignmentSucks). The game in 2006 was called “The Game of the Century” (and it was great) and there was a span called “The Ten Year War.” There have been books, documentaries, and ESPN commercials made about the game. There’s been plenty of fights, late hits, and cheap shots over the years. Ohio State literally doesn’t allow the letter “M” to appear anywhere (probably in the state #weirdos), crossing the letter out with a red x. They refer to Michigan as “that school up north.” Ohio State fans are obsessed with Michigan. People say they care more, partly because Michigan grads are CEO’s and billionaires and stuff, but I think Michigan fans care just as much. The national prominence and dominance of both teams definitely elevates this rivalry. We went a long time, much of my prime college football watching days in my youth, where Ohio State dominated the rivalry. Things have swung back to equilibrium the last few years. And I’d just like to remind everyone that when Ohio State won the natty a few years ago, they still lost to Michigan.

Dead Rivalries: Kansas vs Missouri, Nebraska vs Oklahoma, Oklahoma vs Oklahoma State, Oregon vs Oregon State, Michigan vs Notre Dame. These were all great games in their own right (with some great names like “The Border War,” “Bedlam,” and “The Civil War” that have died because of all the ridiculous college football realignment #RealignmentSucks. Notre Dame are just a bunch of loser who don’t want to play Michigan anymore.

Honorable Mentions: Wisconsin vs Minnesota, Alabama vs Tennessee, Texas vs Texas A&M, Florida vs Georgia, Notre Dame vs USC, USC vs UCLA. Wisconsin vs Minnesota is the longest continuous game in college and it’s a great game for Big Ten sickos like me on Black Friday. Bama and UT play on the 3rd Saturday in October, and it is electric. The Longhorns and Aggies don’t make the list simply because the rivalry went away for more than 10 years. Freaking realignment and ridiculous egos on the part of the Longhorns messed that one up. The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party was great growing up, but has fallen off recently as Florida has fallen off. Notre Dame vs USC has fallen off in recent years because USC has fallen off, but it’s still a great game. USC vs UCLA should be great, but both teams have been so up and down (or just bad in UCLA) for so long now.

My dad will be disappointed Indiana vs Purdue didn’t make the list, but neither have a great history of winning in football, at least not long term. It’s a very underrated basketball rivalry though.

There’s real football tomorrow!

NFL Greats

I felt like writing about my favorite NFL players of all-time today. When I was in college, I was always going to football games on Saturday and so I couldn’t watch football for 14 straight hours. I had to work after the game often and always got to games early, so I missed a lot. I had a great group of college friends and we would often spend our Sunday afternoons together after church doing homework and watching football. We all played fantasy football together, and it was around this time that I started to wonder if I was a bigger fan of the NFL than college. I’m still not sure, but the athleticism of NFL athletes is absolutely astounding. Sometimes I watch a game, and the body control these guys have amazes me, but the announcers don’t even say anything because it happens on every play.

My favorite team, the Detroit Lions, have been horrible for most of my life. Now they are not horrible. Turns out they just needed an Aggie as a coach. The Lions were NEVER on TV growing up except when they played the Cowboys (at Dallas, every single season) and on Thanksgiving. So while I love a lot of former (and current) Lions, I also loved a lot of guys from other teams. I always basically had to have a playoff team, and I reliably chose one team pretty much every year. But more on that in the list.

5. Amon-Ra St. Brown, WR, Detroit – The only active member on this list. The Lions have so many offensive weapons, but Amon-Ra is my favorite. He’s tough, physical, a great blocker, unselfish, and clutch. So many great wide receivers are divas, but he is not. Saint has been all-pro THREE times (in just five years) and somehow is regularly forgotten in discussions about the best receivers in the league. If the Lions are going to have a big year, they’ll be depending on Amon-Ra to get it done.

4. Charles Woodson, DB, Oakland (x2) and Green Bay – I wish I was old enough to really remember Woodson in college at Michigan. I did get to see him play the year he won the Heisman, but I was too young to understand. Even though I mostly remember Woodson from Green Bay, my least favorite team in the NFL, I still loved him. When a guy is the only defensive player to win the Heisman at my favorite school (at the time), I have no choice but to love him. And I do not do things halfway. I poured myself into watching him. He was so dominant. He always made big plays, no matter how old he got. He was an all-pro eight different times across his insanely long career. He was the league leader in interceptions fourteen years after he left college. I’m telling you, homie retired too soon. He could probably STILL be out there batting down balls and making life hard for great receivers.

3. Tom Brady, QB, New England and Tampa Bay – The GOAT. I think that’s undeniable at this point. Seven Super Bowls. Twenty-three seasons (without much of a drop off). Clutch moment after clutch moment. Carried a team to a Super Bowl single-handedly after being down 28-3 at halftime. SIXTH ROUND draft pick. He went to the Super Bowl 10 times, the AFC Championship 13 times, and won the AFC East 17 times. It’s hard to believe those numbers will ever be beaten. TB12 was one of my faves because he went to Michigan, but then stayed there because of how freaking good he was. It’s rare for a team like the Patriots to get shoved down your throat every single week and you still never get tired of watching them. That was because of Brady. He was always must-see TV. And somehow, I feel like I didn’t appreciate him enough at the time. I miss that guy.

2. Matthew Stafford, QB, Detroit and Los Angeles Rams – This was a hard choice for me between 1 and 2. I loved Matt Stafford. I still do. He’s a first ballot hall of famer, and people now finally recognize that since he’s gotten out of Detroit. But real ones knew all along how great he was. I was DEVASTATED when he was traded away. In my humble opinion, Stafford has more arm talent than any other quarterback I’ve ever seen. Yes, people will talk about Dan Marino and stuff, but I didn’t see him. And I’ve seen a lot of Stafford. Even as he gets close to 40, he still throws the most beautiful spiral in the league. He loves a side-arm pass (he was a former baseball player – did you know he went to high school with Clayton Kershaw? lol), a no-look pass, and completing the hardest pass that seems impossible. He was Mahomes before Mahomes. He only had four winning seasons in Detroit, but without him, the Lions would’ve had none. In fact, those years when they won just 6 or 7 games, they might have only won 1 or 2 without him. That’s how good he is. And he’s one tough cookie. He broke his back in 2018, and kept playing for the whole season. He broke his back AGAIN the next year, and did miss the rest of the season, but came back once it was healed. And continued to get pounded by defenses because the Lions were terrible. One year, he played with all kinds of tears and rips and a bad ankle, but started every single game. He has played with broken ribs, spinal contusions, and a weird elbow tendon issue that he played with the year he won the Super Bowl. He once separated his shoulder in a game and came back in to throw the game winning TD. The best thing to come out of the Lions going 0-16 was that it gave me Matt Stafford. Love him forever even if I boo when he plays the Lions in the playoffs.

1. Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis and Denver – My guy. I wrote a lot about Peyt in my aura post, but he was my absolute favorite. The Colts, and later Broncos, were my playoff teams. I loved him so much. I loved how he commanded the line of scrimmage. I loved how he was always going to carry his team to a win late in the 4th quarter. I loved all of his commercials and interviews. He played at the same time in the same conference as Brady, so his trophy case is a little smaller, but still: 12 division titles, four Super Bowl appearances, two Super Bowl wins, FIVE time MVP. He threw for nearly 72,000 career yards and 539 touchdowns (remember – those are regular season stats. That’s weirdly just how stats work). He had another 7,000 yards in the playoffs and 40 more touchdowns. The Broncos team that did not win the Super Bowl in 2013 might have been the greatest team I’ve ever seen. That offense was unbelievable, all because of Manning. He holds something like 20 NFL records. He’s not the GOAT because Brady won more Super Bowls, but people forget how great he really was. He changed the position completely. He might not be THE goat, but he is MY favorite and that should mean something to him!

Honorable Mentions: Calvin Johnson, Aidan Hutchinson, Penei Sewell, Jahmyr Gibbs, Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen. So obviously there’s a lot of Lions on here. Megatron didn’t make the list mostly because I just didn’t get to see him play that often. I love watching his old highlight videos though. Makes me so angry the way he was treated by the Lions, and I’m glad to see they’ve resolved their issues (mostly because all the bad actors are gone now). Johnson, Peyton Manning, and Charles Woodson all went into the hall of fame together. I have to be the only person in the world who had those guys as 3 of my 6 favorite NFL athletes of all time – it was a hall of fame class made just for me.

Hutch, Sewell, Jah – they might make the list in time. I kind of doubt it though because you just don’t love athletes the same way as an adult as you do as a kid. Hutch has an extra special place in my heart for his career at Michigan. Mahomes and Josh Allen are just two guys I love to watch. They’re not on my team, but I cheer hard for both of them. And once the Lions are out of the playoffs, I cheer for the Chiefs and Bills. Except they often end up playing each other. But great dudes who are fun to watch ball out.

I love football so much. I’ve listened to hours of podcasts and TV sports talk about football over the last few weeks. It’s been a brutally hot August here (shoutout that 109 degree day) and I’m just limping towards a weekend where I have no plans except to sit and watch football all weekend. NEED IT

Who are/were your faves? Let me know!

College Football Greats

Who is excited for another list? If not, you don’t have to read this, it’s a free country.

Today though, I want to write about my favorite college football players. Not the best of all time, my personal faves. I was inspired to do this because my all time favorite athlete, Roger Federer, played in this “icons” match back in New York at Arthur Ashe. I like thinking about my favorite athletes, or the list of the best, so this just seemed like a natural progression for today’s topic.

5. Braylon Edwards, WR, Michigan – What a guy. Bray was an incredible receiver for Michigan when I was growing up and idolized athletes in a way you only really do as a kid. Braylon wore #1 at Michigan, a special honor that used to be reserved only for DOG wide receivers. Now there’s like 300 guys on a team and they need every number (including some twice). He had more than 3,500 yards, and really only played 3 years. He set Michigan single season records for catches and yards in his senior season. He’s the only Big 10 receiver all time to have 1,000+ yards in three straight years, and the third guy all-time to do that. People forget Braylon Edwards. Your girl does not.

4. Mike Evans, WR, Texas A&M – My boy. Evans was such an unbelievable physical specimen back when he first took the field for the Ags. He stood out from the third deck for being gigantic. Homie is 6’5″. He didn’t play football until his senior year in high school. This isn’t an NFL list, but he tied the record two years ago for the most consecutive seasons with 1,000+ receiving yards. It is INSANE that he didn’t play football until he was a high school senior! When we beat Alabama in 2013, Evans set a school record for receiving yards with 279. That’s a great number for a QUARTERBACK to put up in passing yards, let alone a receiver. He broke his own record a few weeks later when he got 287 yards against Auburn. He probably won’t be remembered long-term for his college career – he only played for two seasons – but he really was great. And of everyone on my list, he has definitely had the best pro career. First ballot hall of famer fo sho. Also, if you don’t know, Evans has an incredible family story. His dad was murdered by his uncle. His mom was just 14 when she had him. He does so much to give back to the community now. He has overcome unbelievable odds, and more people should know that. First ballot hall of famer human, too.

3. Ryan Swope, WR, Texas A&M – “Swope is dope.” I put that on a sign when I went to College Gameday my sophomore year, and as luck would have it, I ended up next to a guy with a funny sign they put on TV all the time so I ended up on TV a lot too. We were playing Florida, and this guy had a sign that said “Muschamp takes bubble baths” which still cracks me up because it’s so random. People working asked who Swope was, but real ones know. I actually first learned about Swope in high school when he ran for like 300 yards against my high school in his senior year. He was a RB back then. I just remember thinking, “who is this guy?” My dad obviously had the same thought and asked around until he learned he was going to A&M. Swope played for A&M for four years (3 as WR, 1 as DB), and was an animal. He isn’t that big, but he was tough, gritty, and played with his heart on his sleeve. Swope set a bunch of receiving records at A&M, all of which were broken by Mike Evans. Swope was dope, y’all.

2. Michael Hart, RB, Michigan – Nobody had more heart than our guy Mike Hart. Mikey had problems with injuries so while he was at Michigan for 4 years, he only played 2 years fully healthy. Despite this, he holds the record for most rushing yards in Michigan history and the most caries all time. And Michigan is a school that runs the ball. He’s of course famous for calling Michigan State “little brother,” an endearing viral clip to this day. He became a coach after retiring from the NFL, and was even at Michigan for a little bit. I hope he comes back soon. I hope to one day see another running back (anywhere) who runs like the world depends on it, who carries the team despite being a foot smaller than everyone on his offensive line. Love that guy.

1. Tim Tebow, QB, Florida – I loved Tim Tebow. Like wrote in my high school yearbook that I was going to marry him, loved him. In fact, I told that story at an event where his mom was speaking, and she said she’d love to have me as her daughter-in-law so… Tim Tebow willed his team to win. He was insanely tough and just a gamer. He wasn’t afraid of a big hit, he definitely wasn’t afraid to run, and he wasn’t worried about what people thought of his throwing ability. I think he should have won 2 Heisman’s. He got more first place votes than Sam Bradford the year Bradford won, but lost because Sam got more second and third place votes. Make it make sense. And yes, I really did love him for his play on the field. But everyone knows Tebow was (is) also incredibly lovable off the field. He loves God, and he’s not afraid to say it. He’s just a good dude and it seems completely genuine. He did so much charity work, wore Bible verses on his eye black, and was such a positive force for good. He’s still around doing great things for the Kingdom today. Timmy was the very best.

Honorable Mentions: There’s plenty of guys I left on the list. Johnny Manziel, Chad Henne, Mario Manningham, Blake Corum to name a few. Henne and Manningham were some of my favorites growing up, there’s something so nostalgic about them. And they were BALLERS. Blake Corum won a National Championship at Michigan and is just the happiest smileyist guy you’ve ever seen.

Johnny, well, Johnny Manziel makes me sad. I loved Johnny. It was amazing to work for the athletic department while he was there. He was unbelievable to watch, truly. I remember one game when he was like 30 yards behind the line of scrimmage and we were all like “ahhhh throw it away” and then he completed a pass for a first down and my friend goes “Guys. It’s always going to be okay.” And that was what it was like. But he doesn’t make the list because he makes me sad for what he could’ve been. It’s his life, it doesn’t actually impact me that he threw everything away. But I don’t know, there’s just something about it all that makes me gloomy. He was great, though.

My list of favorite NFL players is very different, so I think I’ll do that one next. I feel like few people have interest in these topics, but I sure am enjoying writing about them. And this blog is just for me so there.

I’m so freaking ready for football season. Just a few days until week zero!

Best College Football Mascots

Like I’ve said before, I’m a list person. My brain thinks and organizes itself in lists. Today, I was thinking about the best mascots in college football, and I figured I’d just share my stream of consciousness list with you here.

The qualifications: I’m thinking about people dressed up as a mascot ONLY. We all love a live mascot (shoutout Reveille), but for this list, we’re talking students in mascot heads. Also, I think they have to be a mascot for the team name directly. So the Texas Tech Dark Rider would not count, but the blow-up Nebraska Cornhusker would. These are MY favorite mascots, not the most funny or loved around the country. I reserve the right to leave off popular mascots for petty reasons. Finally, we will be going from 10 to 1 in honor of David Letterman. No further explanation necessary.

Without further ado, the best college football mascots:

10. Florida, Albert and Alberta the Gators – I’m a sucker for a guy and girl pair of mascots. I think it’s funny. Florida is an intimidating place to play and their mascots are both terrifying and friendly.

9. Syracuse, Otto the Orange – Mascots are supposed to be funny, and I think it’s funny that Syracuse has a piece of fruit with a blue hat and silly grin as its mascot. I don’t know how intimidating he is to opposing fans and teams, but he is pretty fun for fans to watch. Otto is mostly known as a dancing mascot and doesn’t try to pull too much mischief like some on this list.

8. Wisconsin, Bucky Badger – Bucky is a badger on two legs wearing a sweater. Ridiculous. But also iconic. Like many mascots, he does pushups after every Wisconsin score. Thankfully for Bucky, Wisconsin hasn’t scored a lot lately so he’s not doing 500+ pushups per game these days. He once crowd surfed through the student section and is my favorite Big 10 mascot.

7. Arizona State, Sparky the Sun Devil – Apparently ASU used to the bulldogs, but the students voted to change mascots in 1946 and we got the ASU Sun Devils. They’ve had a costumed mascot since 1951, one of the earliest schools to adopt a costumed mascot. He’s been played by super athletic students, including one who did handstands on top of the goalpost crossbar, and also has done really dramatic things like being lowered into the arena at basketball games. I also just like his face. He definitely looks devilish with its little smirk, evil eyebrows, and giant teeth.

6. Oklahoma State, Pistol Pete – Pistol Pete loves to shoot guns. Pistol Pete was a real person, a US Marshall and marksman whose image became the Oklahoma State mascot when he died in 1958. Pistol Pete doesn’t really do skits, but he has a huge cowboy head with a giant orange cowboy hat, chaps, and pistols. He’s kind of silly because he wears a fake head on a normal body, but it’s not terrible like that stupid Kansas State Wildcat. I think any mascot who shoots guns and treats a football game like the Wild West is pretty fun.

5. Western Kentucky, Big Red – This might break my rule about being a mascot related to the team nickname, but seriously, have y’all seen this thing? Imagine Big Bird (lol literally typed Berd at first #SoTired), Elmo, Cookie Monster, and Grimace (from McDonald’s) all somehow had a child. That would be Big Red. Now Western Kentucky can sometimes be a very fun football team. They sometimes score lots and lots of points. But they’re not a powerhouse by any stretch of the imagination. And yet they still have a pretty iconic mascot. He’s high on the list for appearances only. That thing is hilarious to look at. I mean WKU literally characterizes it as a blob – no gender, not an animal, just a blob. (Side note. Is everyone worried that when they use a dash that people will assume they’re writing with AI because AI is obsessed with dashes? I worry. But I just know how to use a good dash. All original content flowing from these finger tips, baby) The best thing that Big Red does is shake his belly. Like picks it up and shakes it. Seriously. College football is the BEST.

4. Miami, Sebastian the Ibis – Sebastian is so high on this list purely for the name “Sebastian the Ibis.” I mean, what kind of mascot name is that? It’s ridiculous and over the top. Miami aren’t the Ibises (Ibisi? Ibis’?), they’re the Hurricanes, but they have this swaggy Ibis named Sebastian. I love college football. Okay so Sebastian. He lit a miniature Sooner Schooner on fire after Miami beat OU. He was detained by police after he tried to put out the iconic flaming spear at Florida State with a fire extinguisher. He has literally been penalized by refs for excessive celebration (which, come on, how LAME are refs). There’s no mascot who fits the vibe of the football team better than Sebastian the Ibis.

3. Auburn, Aubie the Tiger – So apparently Aubie is in the Mascot Hall of Fame. I guess it makes sense that that’s a thing that exists, but still. Impressive. He’s won at least 10 mascot national championships (again, apparently that’s a thing?). And yes “at least 10” because some people say he’s won 11. Aubie is a pranking mascot and a dancing one. He’s always a talented dancer, and he loves to flirt with the fans. Overall, Aubie brings a lot of joy to fans and I suppose that’s what mascots are all about.

2. Nebraska, Lil Red – Alright so Nebraska has Herbie Husker. Herbie is a traditional mascot. But I prefer Lil Red. If you read my Big 10 Traditions post, you know about Lil Red. Lil Red is inflatable. Lil Red’s innie (shout out Severance) flips their body around so their feet go in Lil Red’s head and then they jump up and down to make Lil Red look like he’s bouncing on his head all over the sidelines. And it kills me every single time. I’m serious. When I watch Nebraska games, which are honestly just sad these days, I get so excited to see Lil Red on the sidelines doing his thing. And I also really like the name Lil Red because it makes me think of Lil Sebastian and Ron Swanson, and it brings me joy.

1. Oregon, The Oregon Duck – The most iconic mascot of all. This was really a no brainer. The Oregon Duck leads the team onto the field on a motorcycle. Swag. He also does push-ups after Oregon scores and they score a LOT so that college kid must be ripped. He also wears alternative uniforms which are fun, and he’s always causing shenanigans in the background of my Saturday morning fave, College Gameday. He challenges opposing fans and mascots to dance offs (he usually wins) and is always busting out some new skit throughout the game. In the words of the GOAT Lee Corso, “I love that duck!”

And listen, I know people will wonder where Brutus the Buckeye or the Michigan State Spartan are, but I hate them. There’s nothing you can say that would make me include them on a list of “best” anything.

Any others I forgot? Let me know in the comments. Don’t forget to like this post if you enjoyed it 🙂

Traditions – Other Schools

College football has gotten so weird that there are now just four major conferences, and then other major schools in random conferences. I don’t feel much like writing about the traditions at places like Bowling Green (no offense) so I decided just now to write about the best traditions for the teams I haven’t hit yet.

Notre Dame – Notre Dame has plenty of traditions. They’re most famous for refusing to join a conference like a bunch of lame-o’s. My favorite Notre Dame tradition is them being ranked in the top 5 in the preseason with like 7 leading candidates for the Heisman, and then they don’t with the Natty and nobody wins the Heisman. It’s a tradition unlike any other. Let’s see, what else. They have a sign that says “Play like a champion today” and they all touch that heading out of the tunnel. Their helmets are painted gold before every game and there is apparently real gold in the paint. And no game on TV is complete without a shot of touchdown Jesus, the mural on campus near the football stadium.

Army/Navy – This is the last football game played in the regular season. It’s a great watch for all the patriotism and tradition. Before the game starts, the two schools engage in the prisoner exchange. A few students from each school spend a semester studying at the other school. They swap back to their home school before the game at midfield, it’s pretty cool. They also both play the game to “sing second” or win and sing their alma mater second. They say it’s the game where everyone on the field is willing to die for everyone in the stands. While there are other academies so this is not technically true, it’s still pretty great. Each team usually wears a special uniform commemorating some cool aspect of the actual Army or Navy. I love this game, I watch it every year.

Air Force – Air Force is such a beautiful campus and stadium. Their best tradition is definitely the parachute team delivering the ball or flag before the game starts. They also have falcons that perform and fly around the stadium. They are the only school in the country with live falcons.

Rice – At Rice, their best tradition is the MOB, or the Marching Owl Band. Stanford’s band is known for its satire and weirdness, the MOB is known for making fun of their opponents. Nobody is off limits. They are another band who kinda runs to their formations, but those geniuses over at Rice usually come up with some pretty clever shows making fun of something timely. After their coach Todd Graham left for Tulsa in 2007, they performed a skit called Todd Graham’s Inferno and made fun of him in the circles of hell like in Dante’s Inferno.

Washington State – At every single College Gameday since 2003, a Washington State flag has flown somewhere in the background. A small group of fans across the country find out where gameday is going to be (usually announced less than a week ahead of time) and make plans to send someone to gameday to fly the flag. Washington State is not a great football school, but this iconic tradition is one of those random things that makes college football so great.

Oregon State – Oregon State doesn’t really have any great traditions, but it felt wrong not to include them as a long standing (former) member of a Power 4/5 Conference. Yes, the PAC-12 is BACK and weirder than ever this year, but I still just don’t know that much about their football tradition. Something definitely recognizable about OSU is the playing of the chainsaw sound on third downs. The fans imitate a chain saw in the stands. In the third quarter, some of the trumpeters in the band leave the band seats and travel around the stadium to play for different sections. They also used to play Oregon every year in a game called the Civil War. Apparently in the 1890s, a local minister starting throwing his hat into the river if Oregon State won. Fans would follow him to the river to watch. I don’t really get it, but I don’t have to – college football is weird.

I can’t believe football is back next week. Any ideas about what I should write about between now and then? Let me know in the comments!

Traditions – ACC

So this post actually is taking a lot of research because the ACC has a mix of well-known schools, and schools that are definitely not football schools. Maybe we’ll all learn something new – I certainly did.

Boston College – Every year, BC hosts a red bandanna game. This is to honor a 1999 grad who saved lives on 9/11 while wearing a red bandanna as a makeshift mask. Welles Crowther saved 18 people before he died when the south tower collapsed. BC wears special red bandanna uniforms and fans wear commemorative gear in the stands. Pretty cool.

California – I find it HILARIOUS that Cal is in the Atlantic Coast Conference. What is happening to college football. Cal doesn’t have a lot of traditions unless you count seeing the clip of “The Band is on the Field” from their game against Stanford back in 1982. Cal and Stanford have played since the 1890’s which is cool.

Clemson – Alright. Here’s the deal. Some people consider Clemson’s entrance to be the best in college football. I find their entrance to be the most overrated entrance in sports. First all the fans go inside the stadium. Then the team boards a bus at their locker room and drives to the stadium. They file off the bus, and then sprint down a hill onto the field and touch Howard’s Rock. It is so silly. Running down a hill is always dangerous. It’s hilarious because the coaches basically lean back and kind of shuffle down the hill. Players jump and do crazy things and sometimes they fall down or get hurt. I just don’t get the appeal!

Duke – We all know Duke is a basketball school. They’ve had some random good years in football, but all their traditions and reputation are based on basketball. I suppose the best Duke football tradition is their tailgating scene – they have some dudes who wear hard hats and tailgate. Yep, that’s it, that’s the tradition. Like I said, not a football school.

Florida State – Now Florida State has probably my favorite entrance in all of college football. A student dressed like the Seminole Chief Osceola rides in on an Appaloosa horse named Renegade. Osceola carries a flaming spear and plants it at midfield. And then the team runs out and the fans sing the Seminole War Chant, which they continue for 4-straight hours. It is ELECTRIC. They also have a sod cemetery at Florida State. They take sod from the field back from big road wins and bury it on campus with a plaque commemorating the win. College football is so weird and wonderful.

Georgia Tech – At Georgia Tech they have the Ramblin’ Wreck. This is a 1930 Model A that leads the team onto the field. It’s awesome. The cheerleaders ride along on the outside of the car along with their Yellow Jacket mascot. They’ve done this for more than 60 years!

Louisville – Another basketball school with meh football traditions. I guess their best tradition is their big red cardinal mascot. It’s very recognizable, although I think that’s more from basketball than football.

Miami – The U! Yet another school who makes college football better when they’re better. What a swaggy school. They have a lot of great traditions – the team runs on the field through a smoke machine, I think they were the first to do this. Google says they’ve done this since the 1950’s and they first created the smoke with fire extinguishers lol. They also of course have the “U” hand sign where the touch their thumbs together to make a big giant U across their hands. The fans do it all the time, the players do it all the time. Miami is just one of those schools that has a distinct culture – love it or hate it, it’s very college football.

North Carolina – Yet another basketball school. UNC has a ram mascot, both a live one and a person dressed up like one. The team rubs the head of the animal one for good luck before games.

North Carolina State – NC State are the Wolfpack. They have a little wolf hand sign and they imitate howling wolves. Idk I don’t have much else to say about them. This post is either highlighting something awesome or something boring.

Pitt – Pitt actually kind of has a rowdy student section. Pitt has a crazy list of alumni who had amazing NFL careers. You don’t think of them as a powerhouse, but some of the best players at every single position have come from Pitt. At the end of the 3rd quarter, they sing “Sweet Caroline” and add some of their own words in the chorus like “Hail to Pitt” instead of the “bum bum bum” that other fans sing.

SMU – It’s so weird that SMU is in the ACC. I’d probably say their best tradition is their tailgating scene which is very underrated. Their students also wear fancy clothes to games, which honestly, props to them because it’s hot in Dallas in September. They also yell “Pony Up” all the time and I find it annoying, but it’s their tradition and they’re sticking to it.

Stanford – Another California school in the Atlantic Coast Conference. Stanford is weird in a lovable sort of way. Their mascot is “Cardinal,” like without an s. Their band has a mascot and it’s a tree. They do not march in lines or with any kind of discipline, they run to their next spot to make formations. They wear the ugliest ties they can find, and everyone can add whatever they want to the uniform like buttons on their bucket hats or huge sunglasses. They play rock music, tell satirical stories, and make fun of things like OJ Simpson’s bronco chase when they played his alma mater. Stanford is one of those schools that is a non-Ivy League Ivy. It’s full of geniuses and that includes their football team. They only let guys on the team who are smart enough to get into Stanford. Respect.

Syracuse – The Syracuse mascot is the “Orange.” No s. They do have an orange (fruit) mascot that is pretty funny. Syracuse also plays indoors which is probably smart, but it’s still unique in college football. I don’t have anything else to say about another basketball school.

Virginia – At UVA, their alma mater is called “Good Old Song” and they sing it after the team scores. That’s unique I guess because most fans sing their fight song after teams score. Another basketball school.

Virginia Tech – Virginia Tech has a super cool military precision band, not unlike The Fightin’ Texas Aggie Band. They also take the field to “Enter Sandman” which is a top 3 song for an entrance in sports. They also give out a metal lunch pail to defensive standouts which is definitely cheesy, but college football is full of cheesy traditions.

Wake Forest – The mascot at Wake Forest is a Demon Deacon, and honestly, I don’t really know what it is. I mean I can see the weird top hat wearing thing in my mind, but still. This mascot is mildly entertaining and gets the crowd going. Idk they don’t really have any other traditions.

Are y’all excited for another post soon about another conference filled with basketball schools? Get hyped.

Traditions – SEC

Have you missed me? Sorry I haven’t written the last few days, I’ve just been too busy! Our wonderful little series continues today with the best traditions at the schools in the Southeastern Conference, also known as the SEC. I’ve always found it a little strange that it’s the SEC when Southeastern is one word. Isn’t that kind of like abbreviating the name Rebekah to RB?

Anyway. There’s a lot of great traditions in the SEC so let’s get down to bidnus.

Alabama – Alabama are the Crimson Tide and their mascot is an elephant. Yes, there’s a story about them looking like a “herd of elephants” getting off the train back in the day, but it’s still kinda silly. Bama has this chant that goes “Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer” and they say it a lot. It’s catchy I suppose. But my favorite tradition of theirs is way better than yelling some random words in a song. At the end of the 3rd quarter, they turn all the lights off and play Dixieland Delight. And later in the fall, once it’s getting dark earlier, it is absolute SCENES. Bama fans also add some of their own words like “Roll Tide” or insults to rival schools.

Arkansas – Those weird fans of Arkansas Razorback football’s most famous tradition is calling the pigs. And yea it’s kinda weird and yea I’m gonna judge them, but it’s freaking college football and we all do weird things for our team. They call the hogs by kinda yelling “wooooooo” and then “pig sooie” and honestly those are weird words, but like I said, it’s college football. Their other hilarious tradition that goes back for decades are those silly razorback hats. I think those things are hilarious. We’ve all seen Green Bay Packer fans wearing cheese on their heads, but at Arkansas, they wear a running razorback (pig) as a hat. And it’s super weird, but it’s super college football.

Auburn – Auburn is another school who has a nickname of one thing and a mascot of something else (kind of). Auburn are the Tigers, but their most famous motto is “War Eagle.” And they release an eagle as the team takes the field and that beautiful thing flies around the stadium. And it is awesome. Another great Auburn tradition is rolling Toomer’s Corner. After wins, fans throw toilet paper to cover these HUGE and beautiful oak trees on campus. Back in 2010, a guy named Harvey Updyke (a name I sadly remembered without looking it up because so much football lives in my head) poisoned the trees. He was an Alabama fan. The idiot called Paul Finebaum (another idiot) to tell him he’d poisoned the trees. I think he went to jail. Anyway. He killed the trees. They had to be replaced, and then one of them burned. They planted new ones again. They couldn’t roll Toomer’s Corner from 2017-2022ish which is a real bummer. Thankfully they’re back and thriving, and hopefully they stay that way. College football is serious business, but it shouldn’t involve killing things smh.

Florida – The best Florida tradition is probably the gator chomp. And also their stadium is called “The Swamp” which is kind of perfect. Gator fans do the chomp all game long, often to this one song I can hear so clearly in mind it’s like it’s playing right now. Remember that time Florida was beating Oklahoma in the National Championship and there was a late hit on Tim Tebow and he gator chomped at the defense and got a penalty? That was hilarious. A lot of schools have hand gestures, but waving a horned frog or longhorn in someone’s face is not quite the same as gator chomping at them. Also. One time I went to a game at Kyle Field and there were some Florida fans by us. They loved the stadium and the atmosphere and they joined us in sawing ’em off. I thought that was cool. College football is the BEST.

Georgia – The University of Georgia are the bulldogs and their mascot is named Uga (like University of GA, which is pretty clever honestly). Every time I see little Uga, I think of Lee Corso saying “That dog is UGLY” on College Gameday. Uga is a typical little bulldog. Georgia also has a tradition of playing “between the hedges.” Their entire field literally is surrounded by hedges. Like on the sidelines surrounded. It’s kind of weird, but it’s very unique and UGA fans are very proud of it.

Kentucky – In a conference full of football schools, Kentucky is a basketball school. The Wildcats aren’t really any good at football, but their best tradition is singing their famous state song, “My Old Kentucky Home.” They all sing this before games and they definitely sing it loud and proud. Kentucky is a state people seem proud to be from, and I think that’s awesome.

LSU – LSU at night is on my bucket list. And yes, I know that it is dangerous for opposing team fans to attend games there, but I don’t care. My friends in college wimped out on me, so it’s still at the top of the list for me to go. Their stadium is nicknamed Death Valley, and I don’t think there’s a more intimidating place to play a night game. To be fair, we weren’t that intimated when we went in there at night last year and beat them 49-25 which led to their joke of a coach being fired. But most teams are intimated to play there at night. The tradition here is just the noise and chaos brought by the home fans. They start tailgating early and don’t stop until the game. You can tell even on TV that it is LOUD and an incredible atmosphere.

Mississippi – Ole Miss is one of the most famous places to tailgate. The tailgating takes place in this place called “The Grove” and it’s a beautiful field of oak trees. Opposing team fans often travel to Ole Miss just to experience the tailgating. This is another thing my lame college friends skimped out on so it’s still on my bucket list of places to visit. Ole Miss also has this saying: hotty toddy gosh almighty. I think it’s catchy, and not just because I enjoy a good hot toddy now and then.

Mississippi State – Those freaking cowbells. At home games in puny and lame-o Starkville, the sound of cowbells is basically all you can hear. Every fan rings their own bell while their team is on defense. It is truly obnoxious, even on TV.

Missouri – At Mizzou, fans yell “M-I-Z” and then the other half of the stadium responds with “Z-O-U.” It seems like a cool atmospheric thing. I also think it’s so stupid that Missouri is in the SEC. When they left the Big 12, I thought they should’ve joined the Big 10. They fit in there academically, it’s a decent basketball school, and they’re in the midwest. College football big whigs should really listen to me more.

Oklahoma – At OU, they have the hilarious Sooner Schooner. It’s not naturally hilarious, but it sometimes falls over (nobody gets hurt) and it’s pretty funny when that happens. The Sooner Schooner is a covered wagon pulled by horses that leads the team on the field and runs on the field anytime OU scores. They also have a pretty recognizable fight song, but it’s actually stolen from Yale and was originally titled Boola Boola. Which, again, is a bunch of ridiculous words, but college football is allowed to be ridiculous.

South Carolina – The gamecocks have a mascot called Cocky. It was not that long ago that I studied their logo and realized I had the shape of the gamecock all misunderstood. Look it up and you’ll see that it’s a confusing logo. They team enters the stadium to the theme from “2001: A Space Odyssey” which is a tight song, but I think their entrance is boring. Their best tradition is definitely Sandstorm. They basically own that song. They play it ALL THE TIME and the fans go wild every single time. South Carolina is a sneaky underrated place to play.

Tennessee – There’s a lot to like about Tennessee, and football is better when they’re good. They have the beautiful checkered end zones, checkered with creamsicle orange and white. They have a huge stadium, and when UT is good, that place gets rowdy. Their fight song is “Rocky Top” and you can distinctly hear the words from everyone every time it’s played. I also like their entrance, the team runs through a big block T created by the band. I’m not explaining it well, but it’s tight.

Texas – For a school with a historic football team, I genuinely don’t feel like they have a lot of great traditions. Back in the day, they used to have a pretty cool intro video where there was a bunch of running longhorns on the screen, and then they got zapped by the Heisman Trophy Winners and turned into running 2-legged longhorns and then the team kind of ran onto the field after that. Again, I’m not doing it justice, but I thought it was cool. Their coolest tradition is probably Bevo, their beautiful giant longhorn. I think longhorns are so cool and quintessentially Texan, but I don’t think I’ll ever have any longhorn type things in my home. And I live in a city whose logo is a longhorn! Bevo got his name after Texas lost to A&M 13-0 and we branded a cow with the score. At least that’s the legend. Another great tradition at Texas is being horrible fans. They’re consistently ranked one of the worst fanbases in the country. They’re snobby and rude and can be very unfriendly to opposing fans.

Texas A&M – The school with the best traditions in the country. When I was in school, my favorite tradition was Midnight Yell. It’s definitely one of the most unique traditions in the country. At midnight before football games, fans get together to practice the yells for the game the next day. Thousands of people show up. At A&M, we don’t have cheerleaders, we have yell leaders who lead the fans through yells with different hand signals during the game. And yes, some people think it’s weird. But haven’t we established that college football is full of weird things and that’s what makes it wonderful? Besides, is it weird for A&M fans to yell things when other schools have cheerleaders who hold up a sign with a fence on it and fans are supposed to yell “De-Fense?” Our most famous tradition is of course the 12th Man. For more than 100 years, Aggie students have stood ready to go in the game in case the need arises. We stand for the whole game and most of halftime. And I’d put Kyle Field at the top of the list for best places to play.

Vanderbilt – This post ends with a whimper. Vanderbilt is another non-football school (although they’re getting a little better I guess). After first downs, they yell “Anchor Down” which is fine. Vandy is beautiful and it’s in wonderful Nashville. I think it was last year when they beat Alabama in Nashville, and the fans took the goalposts and marched them all the way to Broadway, the place to go out with bars and music and stuff in Nashville. Literally. They carried gigantic yellow goalposts all the way to the bars. If that doesn’t sum up the weirdness and wonderfulness of college football, nothing will.

Two more weeks until college football.

Traditions – Big Twelve

You know what might be the hardest thing about this little series? Remembering which conference everybody is in. Everything has changed so much in the last ten years, and it’s hard to keep it all straight. Today I’m going to run through the best traditions in the Big 12, which doesn’t have 12 teams, and honestly has a bunch of teams that used to be a joke. Does that make the entire conference a joke? I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

Arizona – Welp. Right off the bat we got a team I forgot was in the Big 12. Arizona is a basketball school. Their football traditions include boring things like walking through the fans to get to games, and jingling their keys before kickoffs. I guess their coolest tradition is what is apparently called the “Zona Sway.” The fans lock arms, sway, and chat “Zo-Na” before kickoffs. Idk kinda boring.

Arizona State – Arizona State has a pretty cool team entrance/tradition. Their mascot, the Sun Devil, stomps the opposing teams bus in a new intro video before every game, and then the team runs out to some AC/DC. Did you know AC/DC is called Acca Dacca in Australia? Anyway. Arizona State is also where the patriot Pat Tillman played in college. The team runs through the Tillman Tunnel to take the field which isn’t necessarily a tradition on its own, but it is cool.

Baylor – I think the coolest tradition at Baylor is the Baylor Line. Freshman students sprint from one side of the filed to form a tunnel for the team to run through. And if you’ve never seen the hilarious video of some kid thinking he could beat RGIII (who was just jogging until he realized that kid was trying to beat him), you should look it up.

BYU – BYU is such an underrated place to play. And it is beautiful out there. I love Utah. Before the fourth quarter, they have fire dancers perform which is kind of random, but also kind of tight. They also apparently give out free ice cream to visiting fans in the stadium, which isn’t that kind of the nicest thing you’ve ever heard and doesn’t that just kind of FIT?

Central Florida – UCF has one of those cool songs they’ve claimed, Kernkraft 400. You know the song – ohooo oh. ohoooo ooo oh oh oh oh oh oh etc. They come out to this song with everyone singing and jumping up and down and usually wearing all black and lighting up their cell phone lights, and it’s pretty electric.

Cincinnati – lol Cincinnati is in the Big 12? I knew this, but have definitely forgotten it in recent months. I cannot keep it all straight. They have one of those stupid and dangerous traditions – running down something steep. Before games, their band plays a song at the top of the stadium and then sprints down the stairs to their seats. Seriously. Only in college football do we think its a good idea for big people or people with big instruments to run DOWN steeps things.

Colorado – RALPHIE. I love Ralphie. Did you know that Ralphie is always a girl bison (she’s actually not a buffalo)? This blew my mind when I learned this a few years ago. Ralphie is a boy name. Anyway. Ralphie runs in a big kinda horseshoe across the field to lead the team in. It’s awesome. Last year though, Ralphie got tired of running (literally) and retired right before their season-opener. That’s so relatable. And also, CU’s stadium is absolutely beautiful. I LOVE Boulder. The hiking is amazing and the beer is next level.

Houston – The best UH tradition has a new story to me. Apparently they used to (still do?) have a live cougar mascot named Shasta. Shasta I lost a toe when the cage door closed on it and those mean old LOSERS from some school in Austin made fun of the poor thing. I guess that the little hand symbol UH makes today (with the folded ring finger and thumb) started out as a joke from the loser Texas fans. It’s still their symbol 75 years later.

Iowa State – Iowa State of course has that annoying tornado siren they blare before kickoff. And they also have a bell they ring after games when they win. Kinda boring stuff.

Kansas – The most famous Kansas tradition is way better during basketball games, but it’s gotta be the “Rock Chalk Jayhawk” chant. It’s loud and and unique and has been around since the 1880’s. Google says they also wave their arms over their heads after a touchdown to mimic the grain fields. That has to be one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. Good thing they don’t score a lot and don’t have to do this stupid thing very often.

Kansas State – Okay listen. I hate the Kansas State mascot. I think he is so stupid. It is a kid wearing a giant wildcat head on his normal body. He wears a football uniform, but it’s HIS NORMAL BODY. It is ridiculous. They also have this thing with the Wabash Cannonball where the band plays the song and the fans kinda jump and move around to the beat. Some people say it’s “awesome” but I think it is meh.

Oklahoma State – Oklahoma State’s stadium at night is so tight. And I really loved Mike Gundy with his mullet fluttering in the Oklahoma wind. It’s a bummer he’s not there anymore. And that he’s not 40 anymore. (That’s a good joke btw) They have a horse that rides around the field after they score, but it’s not really that exciting. I personally like the students with the paddles. Kids bring these old wooden paddles when they sit in the front row and bang them on the front of the stadium wall. It seems loud and maybe at least a little intimidating.

TCU – After TCU scores, they ring out this old train horn which apparently weighs more than 3,000 pounds. Are you telling me that trains carry a horn that weighs 1.5 tons? That just seems inefficient. They also chant, “Riff Ram Bah Zoo” which sounds like a bunch of gibberish to me, but whatever, to each their own.

Texas Tech – Alright so Tech has of course the masked rider, which is cool. It’s a masked rider on a black horse and they lead the team out. Everyone’s favorite safety school also throws tortillas in the air. I don’t really know why and I think this got banned last year, but I think it’s funny and random and something you’d only see in college football.

Utah – At Utah, they light the block U on the mountain after they win, which is cool. They also do this thing called the “Moment of Loudness” at the end of the third quarter. The fans all stand and make loud noises to honor people they love who have died.

West Virginia – The best West Virginia tradition is singing Country Roads after a win. Yes they sing it before games, but it is absolute scenes after a win. And while I think that song is actually about western Virginia (as the blue ridge mountains, Shenandoah River, etc are in western Virginia…), it’s one of the best scenes in sports. They also sometimes “stripe the stadium” meaning alternating sections wear blue and gold. It looks pretty tight when they pull it off. I hate West Virginia because I hate Rich Rodriguez, but for not being a super famous football school, it seems like a pretty great atmosphere.

Man I’m so ready for football season.